Sunday, 29 April 2012

Z Is For Boing Said Zebedee!

A-Z Challenge 2012

Z is for Boing Said Zebedee!

Those of you who are not familiar with "The Magic Roundabout" it was a kids TV show which was absolutely brilliant! One of the sayings at the end of the show was always "Boing Said Zebedee"! That would be the end of the show.

Above is Zebedee

And so after a month of posting on the A-Z Challenge this is the final post and the end of this show!

So a massive thank you to all of you who have dropped by, and taken a look at my ramblings of  our life in a caravan.

For those of you who are now following us, thank you, you will now be subjected to my rantings and observations of what goes on in our lives. Day to day life as seen through the eyes of a middle aged, young at heart, portly, some times happy, some times sad, cynical grasper of life!

As I sit here on the edge of a field which is mostly underwater due to the constant rain we are currently having, (you would never guess we were subject to a hose pipe ban at the moment). I wonder where we will be this time next year?

What will my A-Z Challenge 2013 contain? Will I still be breathing? You just don't know do you?

So make the most of what you have and enjoy.

As in "The Magic Roundabout"  "Boing Said Zebedee"!

Till later......................

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Y Is For Young At Heart

A-Z Challenge 2012

Y is for Young At Heart

I'm refusing to become old! I think becoming old is a state of mind, ok the joints may ache a bit more and it takes me longer to recover from a heavy night of drinking fine ale. Oh and I do need earlier nights!  But basically my outlook on life hasn't changed too much.

I've become more cynical over the years, but a life of experiences have molded me into who I am today.

Young at heart doesn't mean i wear my jeans hanging off my arse, nor does it mean highlighting my hair, piercing my eyebrows or talking in text speak!

But, to me it does mean that I can feel free to enjoy and express myself how I want and when I want.

I know people that are old before their time, I'm sure you do as well? When I hear things like, cant wait X Factor tonight! I could curl up and die! Whats wrong with going for a pint and having some social interaction with real people with real opinions.

Nothing wrong with staying in, we do a lot of it, but we do talk to each other, listen to music, read and enjoy each others company. We don't spend endless hours watching other peoples lives on the box.

I hope that in years to come youngsters will look at me and see me laughing and having a good time and smile and think to themselves, I hope I end up like that.

Which reminds me of a couple of older friends back in Shaftesbury. Paddy and Ron, Ron is no longer with us, he was lost to cancer, but those two had me in fits of laughter on a regular basis. A couple of old boys who enjoyed a pint and a joke. They would fit the description of "Young At Heart" perfectly.

Till later.................

X Is For X Marks The Spot

A-Z Challenge 2012

X marks the spot

We move from site to site on a regular basis. During the summer months with the vintage rallies we can be moving every weekend. During the winter it is every 28 days due to the current rules and regulations.

So home is really where ever we end up parking up.

It takes us no time at all to be fully set up and back to relaxing.

Our large awning takes the longest to set up at approx an hour to do these days, our first attempt took us 6 hours!

Getting ready to move takes no more than 30 mins to do the caravan and an hour for the awning.

We are moving today (Saturday) we will be moving from our current site, 100 yards down and across the road! So not far at all, so no travelling today!

In saying that we will be driving a few miles as the turn in from this direction is a little tight, so a trip around so I can get a good swing in is advisable.

I've now lost count how many times we have moved, it is all documented in our hard copy diaries, but it must be a few now!

I look forward to moving, I'm not keen on the packing up, but I like exploring around the new site, with different views etc. This will probably be the shortest move yet.

Our new site we checked out a little while back, it has showers, but we didn't take a look at those, so we will find out how good they are a little later.

Do we miss not having a definite base? Personally the answer is no, home is where ever you make it. My birth town is Shaftesbury which I always will have strong connections with, but do I miss the place? The answer again is no.

I guess since the age of 16 I have always moved on a regular basis, and so moving does not bother me at all now.

Moving house was a nightmare though, you tend to have so much clutter that you never use or need. Now, we have very little to worry about.

But we do have a little clear out and get rid of various magazines and old unwanted paperwork. It's surprising how soon it all mounts up even in a caravan.

So now off to move to our new "X marks the spot"

Till later......................

W Is For Water

A-Z Challenge 2012

W is for Water

Water is a basic requirement for life, and here on site it is obviously no different.

Living back at our old house we never appreciated how much water we used and wasted on a daily basis.

On site you soon realise that wasting water requires extra trips to the water point to fill up your aqua-rolls.

Now, for those of you who haven't a clue what I am on about, on site there are dotted around taps which when turned on supply clean cool fresh water.

This is then transported back to your caravan in a container, we choose aqua-rolls for this.

Aquaroll, the original rolling water carrier since 1953
We use two 29 litre rolls, there is a bigger size available, but you have to consider that a 50 litre aqua roll weighs approx 50 Kg which is bloody heavy, and "M" would struggle as would I!

If you are lucky enough to have your own tap near by you can buy kits that fit direct from the tap to your aqua roll and give you a constant supply of water. We have never stayed at a site yet where we could get near enough to a tap to be able to do this so we simply haven't bothered.

Our caravan has a kitchen sink with hot and cold running water, a full size shower, and a flushing toilet and wash basin with hot and cold water.

You can get around 3-4 minutes of hot water on one roll for your shower, and the water is scolding hot if not mixed with cold!

You don't leave the tap running when brushing your teeth either.

We get through between 2 to 3 aqua rolls per day.

This really isn't a problem to go out and fill up, we have two aqua rolls and we keep both full, so it's just a question of swapping them over.

The only problem we have had was the winter of 2010 when the taps on site froze up, but we simply went to "M"s work and filled the aqua-rolls up there. So no real issues.

Frozen pipes can happen to anyone, so we in a caravan are not exclusive to this problem.

Filling up the aqua-rolls can be inconvenient if its freezing cold or tipping down with rain, but there are worse things to do, and whilst I'm out there the few minutes it takes to fill up I take in my surroundings and enjoy noticing the changes that are taking place right under my nose.

So to some it may seem a chore, to me it's a few minutes of peace whilst I enjoy nature at it's greatest.

Till later............

V Is For Vacancy

A-Z Challenge 2012

V is for Vacancy

There is a vacancy here, right now, just a few miles away from where you are living, for some it may be even closer!

What am I talking about?

I'll tell you, it's the great outdoors, and it is massively under used and just waiting to be explored, walked on, ridden on, led on, sat on, looked at and enjoyed.

Before we lived liked this, a green hedgerow would be something that would be a blur as you drove by it in the car, a footpath by the sea would not be walked on, a trip to the New Forest meant battling with the Grockles through Burley, and relieved when none of them ended up under your wheels!

We spend as humans, so much time cooped up in our own houses or places of work that we forget that there is the Great Outdoors.

Some embrace it, others sit in front of the TV every night. We do have a TV, but I can honestly say that we probably watch less than a couple of hours a week.

Watching the sun set is a favourite past time of ours, a beer and watching the colours of the sky change through it's purples and reds as the sun glows and lowers behind the horizon.

Watching the birds in the hedges, as they flit about, simple pleasures which cost nothing, but are priceless.

Yes, we live in a wonderful part of the world, but there is beauty where ever you look, but that is the key. You got to look!

So preoccupied with the day to day grind, we often fail to see what is really happening to our countryside and how it changes through the seasons.

Certainly living like we do, we notice this more than ever.

Who cares that it is raining, it's not pleasant getting wet, but you wont dissolve! Take a quick walk even around your garden and appreciate what you have close by. Just ten minutes of your day to witness fantastic changes to the tree's and hedges at this time of year.

It does the soul good to just take in what is happening around you, and hopefully give you some inner peace as well!

All photographs taken by myself.

Till later.....................

U Is For Up Yours!

A - Z Challenge 2012

U is for Up Yours

We started out back in August 2010 we came under a lot of negative criticism not only from family but from strangers as well!

The reaction from some family and friends really surprised us, some really positive, but a few doubted that we could live like we do, or if we did we would give up within in a couple of months.

The strangest reaction though, was from other fellow caravaners! Yes, I was shocked as well!

When we started our research into living like this, I was very active on some of the forums, trying to find out as much information as possible.

It seemed to me amazing that for those who were on a specific caravan/camping forum could be so negative and rude!

I was even told that it was unhealthy to live in a caravan! Based on what scientific evidence is still a mystery to me!

In the end the only conclusion we could logically come up with was pure and simple jealously!

This we felt was a shame, but that is human nature for you.

I was even banned from one forum! UKCampsites was the name of the site, the reason has never been explained to me, even after countless emails asking why! I haven't included a link for this site as I would not use it if it was the last site on the internet.

So for all you doubters and negative people who still do read this blog, as every now and again we get strange emails, its "Up Yours" we are happy and content living the way we are. So when interest rates rise and your struggling to pay your mortgage, but you are so stuck in your ways that you would rather drown than be thrown a life line, we will be chuckling merrily!

For those of you, like us who have struggled but can see the sense in what we are doing, get on and do it!

It's a great way to live, fun, and with no hardships to endure, other than fresh air and open spaces!

Till later.............

T Is For Transport

A-Z Challenge 2012

T is for Transport

When we first started out on our life in a caravan, we had a Landrover Freelander 1.8 Petrol.

It did the job, but only just. Thankfully the Lunar was built using the lightest of materials so this helped it.

However, we had a problem with the four wheel drive system, the cost to replace was just not worth it, so we removed the prop shafts and it now runs on two wheel drive only. The only benefit to this is that the fuel consumption is a little better.

For towing it is now bloody useless, even just on wet grass the front wheels spin getting no traction what so ever. 

So the hunt for a replacement or rather an additional 4x4 started.

We sold the Fiat 500, which was a sad day, but it was totally impractical for living like this.

We looked at all sorts, plenty of Landrover Discovery's, but for the money we had available to spend we could only find dog rough ones with galactic mileage.

So we started to look at Mitsubishi Pajero's a Jap import, called Shoguns in the UK. We ended up with a 2.8 litre diesel automatic long wheel base with 7 seats, loads of extras, (which all work)!

I must say it's a great bit of kit, so if you are looking for a 4x4 look no further than these.

It's 18 years old, it drives like new, we just put it through it's MOT and it passed 1st time with no advisories.

Towing with it is easy, the problem you have is you can almost forget that the caravan is on the back, it could pull a jumbo jet with no probs!

Till later.............

Saturday, 21 April 2012

S Is For Sites

A-Z Challenge 2012

S is for Sites

We tend to do quite a bit of research on the sites that we stay on.

We look them up on the internet, see if they have a website and read any reviews, but nothing quite beats actually paying the site a visit.

As we stay within a defined geographical area this is simple to do. We just drive to the site and take a look at it.

We have a set criteria when we are looking for a place to stay. 

No commercial or large sites, in fact we only stay on sites which have no more than 5 pitches on them.

This way we have peace and quite, well hopefully!

We require electric hook up points.

We don't need showers or loo's we are fully self contained so why pay extra for these?

The other thing we look for is ease of access. When all hooked up we are almost 40ft long, and a tight and narrow entrance into the site is not good. As the caravan is our home it really is not worth the risk of damaging it on a gate post.

We also make sure that there are not too many gates to have to open and close, as I leave early in the mornings, and having that hassle is one thing I can do without, plus there is also the noise with leaving the car running whilst gates are opened and shut!

Our site fee's vary between £10 to £14 per night for which includes the two of us, China dog, the awning, two cars and electric.

Our current site charges just £10 per night including electric. Bargain! Our last site cost us just £12 per night and that included showers and loo's!

So a cheap way to live if you can put up with filling up your aqua-rolls on a daily basis and emptying out your loo every 3 to 4 days!

We are the only one's on site at the moment, so we have no neighbors at all, bliss!

This weekend we will be joined by J.E. so a few beers will be sunk no doubt! That is the great thing about living the way we do, friends can turn up and camp and have a cracking time.

I still think we are lucky, as they are doing this as a holiday, or for a short break, but we do this on a full time basis!

Since starting out we have only stayed on one site, which turned out to be a nightmare. The rest have all been great with no problems at all.

Sites vary in layout and facilities, but even the most basic of sites, have to have fresh water, and dedicated CDP ((chemical disposal point) loo emptying place) and rubbish bins. Most sites recycle, and all are kept in tip top condition.

Living the way we do would not be for everyone, but personally I love it!

Till later........................

Friday, 20 April 2012

R Is For Rain

A-Z Challenge 2012

R is for Rain

When it rains there is nothing quite like being warm, cosy and tucked up in bed in your caravan, with the sound of the rain tip tapping on the roof.

Light showers over short periods of time are fine, but heavy down pours when the heavens open and it totally lashes down is another matter all together!

Especially when it gets windy, its like being on a roller coaster! Led in bed wondering if the awning is about to blow away along with the awning's contents! The caravan and awning creak and groan, it judders and it feels like you are actually moving about the field!

Even now after a year and a half, a stormy night still means a night of broken sleep.

The site you are on can become very water logged, where wellies are a necessity and not a fashion statement.

We have seen our awning under water, and having to tread through ankle deep water just to get to our cars.

The weather certainly does play an important part to our lives. We always check the weather for storms, frost, rain etc. Living like we do we are also a lot closer to the elements, and certainly feel more in tune with the seasons and the surrounding countryside.

Would we change any of it? No, not at all. To me it is worth every night of broken sleep to live the way we do.

Till later.................

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Q Is For Queen

A-Z Challenge 2012

Q is for Queen

I'm a strong Royalist, well, what would you expect from someone who served her Majesty in the finest Army in the world!

On the day you sign up you sign the Oath Of Allegiance and you get paid a day's pay, commonly known as taking the Queen's Shilling.

Somewhere I still have the little paper certificate I received on the day for pledging my oath. I was 15 years of age.

Don't get me wrong, I don't paint my face red white or blue or wave flags or any of that, but I am a firm supporter of the Royal family and what they stand for.

Now, the Royal family have been criticised in the past for being out of touch, but with the coming of age of both Prince William and Prince Harry, watch this space. Over the next 20 years there will be a massive growth in support for the Royals as these two do their thing!

I'm very proud to of served, and even prouder of our brave boys and girls currently on tour in various parts of the world, risking life and limb in the hope that in some small way they are making the world a better and safer place.

You have to remember these soldiers are no conscripted, they join of their own free will, it does make me cross to hear of stories where by after being killed the parents say that their young son didn't know that he could be shot. He has joined the Army, not the bloody tiddlywinks club!

Thankfully this does not happen very often, the vast majority of parents being level headed and simply mourn for their loss.

This year is our Queens Diamond Jubilee. What a remarkable achievement, and one that I happily will be supporting.

60 Years of having to bite your tongue and showing grace and decorum, however Prince Philip has been known to let slip the odd classic statement! I say odd, but really it's loads!

The Duke said to Tom Jones after his Royal Variety Performance: "What do you gargle with, pebbles?".
He later added: "It is very difficult at all to see how it is possible to become immensely valuable by singing what I think are the most hideous songs."
On the Royal Family's finances: "We go into the red next year. I shall probably have to give up polo."
On a tour of Canada: "We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves."
During the recession he mused: “Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed."
When accepting a figurine from a woman during a visit to Kenya he asked: "You are a woman aren't you?"
He told a World Wildlife Fund meeting that "if it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it."
Prince Philip's opinion of Beijing, during a tour of China in 1986, was simply: "Ghastly."
To a British tourist in Hungary in he quipped: "You can't have been here that long — you haven't got a pot belly."
To survivors of the Lockerbie bombing he told them: "People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still drying out Windsor Castle."
"Aren't most of you descended from pirates?", he asked an islander in the Cayman Islands.
To a Caribbean rabbit breeder in Anguilla, he said: "Don't feed your rabbits pawpaw fruit — it acts as a contraceptive. Then again, it might not work on rabbits."
He asked a Scottish driving instructor in Oban: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?"
Following the Dunblane massacre, he questioned the need for a firearms ban: "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?"
The Duke asked a British student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea: "You managed not to get eaten then?"
In Cardiff he told children from the British Deaf Association, who were standing by a Caribbean steel band: "If you're near that music it's no wonder you're deaf".
To guests at the opening reception of a new £18million British Embassy in Berlin: "It's a vast waste of space."
At a Buckingham Palace drinks party, he told group of female Labour MPs: "Ah, so this is feminist corner then."
On being offered fine Italian wines by Giuliano Amato, the former Prime Minister, at a dinner in Rome, he is said to have uttered: "Get me a beer. I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!"
"People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans."
To Elton John: "Oh it's you that owns that ghastly car is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle."
While touring a factory near Edinburgh he said a fuse box was so crude it "looked as though it had been put in by an Indian".
To Australian Aborigines during a visit to Australia with the Queen he asked: "Do you still throw spears at each other?"
To the Aircraft Research Association, he said: "If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort, provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly."
Said to black dance troupe Diversity at the Royal Variety Performance: "Are you all one family?"
To a young fashion designer at Buckingham Palace he told him: "You didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard."
On asking a female Sea Cadet what she did for a living, and being told that she worked in a nightclub (as a barmaid), the Duke asked “Is it a strip club?” Observing her surprise he dismissed the suggestion saying that it was “probably too cold for that anyway”.
At a prize-giving ceremony for the Duke of Edinburgh Awards a girl told him that she'd been to Romania to help in an orphanage. He replied: "Oh yes, there's a lot of orphanges in Romania - they must breed them".
Others that are undated:
"YOU have mosquitos. I have the Press."
- To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean.
"If it doesn't fart or eat hay then she isn't interested"
- speaking about his daughter, Princess Anne.
"Can you tell the difference between them?"
- The Duke's question after President Barack Obama said he met with the leaders of the UK, China and Russia.
"The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion."
- on London traffic.
"Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut."
- to a 13-year-old whilst visiting a space shuttle.
“You look like you’re ready for bed!”
- To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes.
Finally my favorite has to be: When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union: "I would like to go to Russia very much, although the bastards murdered half my family."
Till later........

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

P Is For Pajero

A-Z Challenge 2012

P is for Pajero

Now not all words translate well! Pajero for instance if your Spanish translates to "Wanker"! Who said the Japanese had no sense of humour!

We bought a Mitsubishi Pajero (Shogun here in the UK) 2.8 litre diesel long wheel base to help out with the towing after we got rid our our Fiat 500.

I've got to say that pound for pound you cannot get better for your money!

It's a few years old, but the high level of spec is hard to beat on a modern car, electric fold in mirrors, climate control not only that but it has a seperate controller for the rear passengers!

It has 7 seats, the interior is in tip top condition as is the body work, and best of all has full service history from a Mitsubishi dealership!

Ours also has the winter pack fitted, so has a diesel fuel pre-heater, a 2" lift on the suspension and thicker insulation all round in the panels as it was designed for the mountainous regions of Japan. 

A bit thirsty on juice, but if I'd wanted economical I would of stuck with the 500! Towing is a dream, you don't even notice that our caravan is on the back, and ours is a big van!

So if you are in the market for a 4x4 and you don't want to spend a great deal of money, then look no further than a Pajero.

Till later................

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

O Is For Open

A-Z Challenge 2012

O is for Open

One of the reasons I started this blog in the first place was to provide a point of contact for those who are thinking of living this kind of lifestyle.

The research that we did at the beginning did not give us much of an idea as to what was actually involved in living like this.

So we decided to be as open as we could and write about our life, showing not only the good side but also the bad bits as well.

Thankfully, we have not encountered many bad bits at all, but we do tell the truth and the opinions expressed within this blog are mine. You may not like what I write, and that is fine by me, you have the democratic right to click on that red box with the right cross in it in the top right hand corner of the screen if you object to my ramblings!

However, one of the things that we do keep quiet is our location, we also never give reviews of campsites.

A number of reasons for this, if we give a great review, we find that the campsite in question becomes inundated with inquiries, fully booked, and we cannot get back on to it again!

If we give a bad review, then this could potentially follow us to our next camp site as we do tend to stay within a small geographical area. 

Only once have I ever given a bad review and made it public as it was that bad I just had to warn others about it!

Being open about our lifestyle does concern me some times. If anyone asks where we live I just give a vague general location, and never pinpoint it unless they are to be trusted. After all, our caravan could be easily towed away by a professional thief whilst we are both away at work.

If you read through this blog from the beginning you will see that I am very open, that's not to say that I tell all and reveal my day to day worries or concerns as this is not what this blog is all about.  

Mind you as the title says "Our Life In A Caravan" it is all about our life and what we do and how we do it. It may not be right, but it works for us. We keep ourselves to ourselves, cause no problems for anyone and abide by all known laws that this country seem to change and make up on a daily basis!

I have been known on a fairly regular basis to go off on tangents and write nothing about caravans or our life at that particular moment in time. But, as it's my blog I guess I can do as I please?

There you have it, O is for Open - and the opposite of Open is close.

So till later...............

Monday, 16 April 2012

N Is For Night

A-Z Challenge 2012

N is for Night

When we lived in our bricks and mortar house in Shaftesbury, we were situated in the old part of town, our front door opened via two steps right on to a very narrow road.

As we were near the centre of town we also had the revelers on their way home from the pub and kebab house walking past our front door. Now I will be first to admit that we were part of that group of people on many a night.

But when you are trying to get some kip, voices, the remains of kebabs and worse left on your doorstep does tend to get a bit much. We also had a street lamp right outside our bedroom window!

Since moving into our caravan, we have been lucky to stay on sites off the beaten track, no noise at all, only the screece of owls, and the cry of foxes.

Dark, that dark you cannot even see your feet! No light pollution which on a clear night makes the night sky look like a brilliant collection of diamonds, shining so bright!

I can often be found late at night after taking "China" dog for her final wee just looking upwards in total awe!

How lucky we are to live like we do, whilst those who live in towns and cities cannot get a good view of the night sky. The constant drone of traffic, sirens and voices.

I know where I would rather be living!

Till later.................

Saturday, 14 April 2012

M Is For Mad!

A-Z Challenge 2012

M is for Mad!

I'm a happy go lucky sort of chap, with a positive outlook and a "Just Do It" sort of attitude.

I've had a life time of experiences all ready, not saying I've been and done everything, but I have certainly seen life!

Having led the life that I have, I have seen things that would make you shudder and give you nightmares that would require a shrink to ease your mind so that you could sleep at night. All these things that I have seen could make you go mad.

But, it's the little things that wind me up, I find that I can easily overlook big things and not worry about them, but the little things see my blood start to boil.

So here is a list of the silly things that drive me mad.

1. Not picking up after your dog!
2. Pulling out a shopping trolley from the stack and finding rubbish in it.
3. Finding that you cant get into a parking space as the guy to the right cant park and has parked over his line.
4. Cyclists that think its safe to ride two abreast and who don't use cycle lanes!
5. People who let their dogs run loose.
6.  Dirty cutlery in restaurants.
7. Treading in chewing gum - use a bloody bin!
8. Speeding in the New Forest - Its a 40mph limit for a very good reason!
9. Panic buying - just because it's a bank holiday doesn't mean you have to buy for a month!
10. Leaky one cup metal teapots that go everywhere when you pour them!

These are just one liners, now for some that need a little more explanation.

11. Politeness, or rather the lack of it, even a basic please and thank you would be good, but no, blank stares or worse still not even an acknowledgement!

12. Ever increasing fuel prices -  £1.50 a litre for Diesel! Ive a 90 litre tank!

13. Strikers - Anyone who goes on strike, think your selves lucky you have a job, it's safe, you get to go home at the end of the day and see your family. If you don't like it then change jobs, but don't moan about it! I am of course referring to the tanker drivers who are after massive wage increases and moan about working in a dangerous environment. Well let me tell you bunch of moaning gits that our boys out in Afghanistan don't get to go home every night, and don't have the luxury of driving around on tarmac! No, they have IED's to contend with on half the money you are all ready earning! Now that's a dangerous job! Don't you dare say your working conditions are dangerous.

14. Cutting across our pitch! Now on site you rent what is known as a pitch, it is where you are free to set up camp. To us this is our home and garden, so it becomes bloody annoying when you walk right past our awning and peer in! Perhaps I should come to your house wander around your garden and look through your windows!

15. Being poured a cold pint of cider in a hot glass straight from the glass washer! Surely you must of realised when you picked the glass up it was warm? Would you serve ice-cream in a hot bowl? 

16. Whilst on the subject of cider - who thought up the idea of serving it with bloody ice-cubes? Only a poofy marketing guru could come up with that, and for those of you who buy their Magners on draft with ice, you are being ripped off! Fill a pint glass with ice then top up with cider, yep your getting around 1/2 a pint of cider due to displacement and being charged for a full one!

17. Signs: Such as - "Caution This Coffee Cup Contains Hot Liquid" Well, no shit Sherlock! Or on a bottle of salad cream "Serving Suggestion" a picture of some lettuce with the salad cream poured over it. Oh and I thought salad cream went over my porridge! The clue is in it's name? Do we really have to dumb down that much?

18. What is the fascination with nut allergies? Ok, I appreciate that if you have this condition it can be serious, but then again if you did you wouldn't eat a bag of salted peanuts, but recently I picked up some fish and it said "may contain nuts" what? Its a frozen piece of cod! Did it somehow swallow a bloody hazel nut? 

19. Age restrictions. Here in the UK it is illegal to smoke under the age of 18, but you can have sex at 16. You are legally entitled to vote at the age of 18 so deemed socially responsible but police guidelines (not law) says that you have to be 21 to buy spray paint!

20. Talking of laws, a new one in super markets is that all tobacco products must be covered up with shutters? As a none smoker I find this strange and have the urge to wander up to the counter and say, I want to buy a packet of cigarettes please, I don't know which brand as I've just taken smoking up, could I see what you have to offer please? Do they really think that covering over with a shutter will make a blind bit of difference!?

So there is an insight into my world of what makes me shudder with disbelief and gives me the urge to rattle peoples heads together!

Till later.............